Sunday, August 25, 2013

All In The Lord's Time

Well it seems that a year has passed since I last blogged. How the heck did that happen? It has been A hard year. The punches didn't stop at losing the boys, no they just kept coming. In November, I lost my job for the use of profanity based off of hear say. I tried hard not laugh and was actually relieved that I didn't have to work 24/7  and drive 100+ miles everyday anymore. Besides who wants to work for a company, who is quick to judge, and not find out the whole story. Since my departure, the program lost a lot of good caring people, as well as clients. I have no respect for the company or the people who run it.

I have been  "unemployed" for nine months.  I continued to sub at the deaf school as much as I could in hope of getting teacher's aide position again, but, because I didn't know enough ASL, and I am not related to one of the superintendents,  I am only good enough to sub. Well, The Lord does work in mysterious ways so, I know there are better things for me.

It has taken having a literal nervous breakdown, and months of therapy to remember that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me, and has a plan (in his timing of course) for me.  I am currently working at Deseret Industries (LDS Operated and Owned). It is nice to be some place where there is no judgement. I actually feel that I shouldn't be ther,  because someone much worse off than me should have my spot. But it is a place of healing, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. There are genuine people who work there, and I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder to make sure someone isn't going to stab me in the back again. Yes, I still have those fears. And there are days my stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am still suspicious and cautious, but I am learning to trust again.

Some of my friends and family don't understand, and think I should just get over it. Some haven't even bothered to find out. Some, have made accusations and dumped his/her opinions on me. But that is ok. Until you have walked in my shoes, don't assume.  They have lost all privileges to know what is going on in my life. And I am totally ok with it.

So as I continue to improve, and learn to deal with all my anxiety, stress and depression, I have a plan. I am going to finish my bachelors so I can help others. I am excited, scared, stressed and full of anxiety but I have a support system that I am beginning to trust to help me accomplish this goal.

I also know that my eternal companion is just around the corner.

No comments:

Post a Comment