Broken Hearted

It has been a struggle these last few weeks after decided not to go through with the adoption. It was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I miss those sweet little boys so much! Last night I dreamt of them, I was hugging the younger one, crying nd telling him to remember that no matter what, I love him with all my heart. I don't know where the older one was,but I woke up sobbing. The team for these little boys has not been very honest or professional. The caseworker does not return phone calls in a timely manner. She has left both me and the foster mom in the dark. I am really disappointed in this whole process. It's actually an oxymoron. They really don't care if children find home with good families. But as much as I am hurting, it those sweet little boys who will suffer. They have been through so much already. And it is part of the states fault too. It took 78 calls to DCFS before they removed them from the home. They are just as guilty as the birth parents are. I still pray that there is a way for this to all work out. I also pray that I cam mend my broken heart. I pray that I still have a chance to have children.