Suicide

To many people, suicide is selfish. I thought that way until recently when I learned for myself  that sometimes a person  is hurting so bad and nothing helps that it seems to be the only answer. When things look like they will never get better or the pain will never stop. It is silent, the person will be happy all of a sudden because inside he or she knows the pain will soon be over. If there is one thing to learn from this, it's people may seem good on the outside, but not one of us knows the battle being fought on the inside. The only way to help another human being is to care enough. Sometimes we may not be successful but sometimes all it takes is for someone to say just one little thing to let that person know they are special and would be missed. 

 RIP Robin, May you finally find the peace you have been looking for.

Animal Abuse

Harsher Punishments for Animal Abuse

There are many forms of animal abuse and abandonment.  Simple neglect is inadequate medical care or an animal not being groomed or even as simple as out growing a collar.  Another form of abuse is malicious neglect. Animals are starved and not given water. They are tied up and left to stand in their own waste. Animals can be victims of domestic violence as a way control the person being abused. Sometimes they are abused unintentionally. We don’t realize that our choices are a form of abuse. For example, keeping an old, sick dog that is in pain alive, or locking a dog a hot car with the windows cracked, while running into the store. There are laws in 47 of the states against animal cruelty, but these laws are not strict enough. To make a difference, there should be harsher punishment for animal cruelty and abuse.

The statistics on animal abuse outnumber the laws that punish animal abuse. There is no national reporting system and most cases are usually never reported. Animal abuse is more common in rural and urban areas. According to the ASCPA website, the highest percentage of animal abuse cases involves dogs.  There are more homeless animals in the United States than there are homeless people. There is no way to know how many dogs and cats are homeless in the United States.

Before 1986 there were only four states that had felony cruelty laws. Then in 1986 until 1996 there were thirteen states that charged a felony for animal abuse and cruelty. By 2007 the number of states to make the law a felony had jumped to 27. Today, 43 of the 50 states are first offense felony provisions. This means the person cannot be charged with a lesser crime. There are states that have harsh laws but they can still be improved to make the laws cover more offenses and have a steeper, harsher punishment. North Dakota is the only state that animal cruelty is not a felony. The punishment in North Dakota for animal cruelty is a Class A misdemeanor, $2000 fine and up to one year in jail. This is just a slap on the hand. It is not a harsh enough punishment for people who abuse animals.

Many people love animals and treat them as part of the family. Their animals are allowed to sleep in the bed, sit on the furniture and some even go to the extent of dressing their animals. These animals are well cared for and loved and are considered a life-long commitment. Then there are some who believe animals are only good work or food. When they are no longer useful or they tire of the animal, it is given away, put down or abandoned.  It is true, our Heavenly Father has given us dominion over animals, but that means to care for them and treat them with kindness even when they are no longer useful to us. “President Joseph F. Smith, who succeeded George Q. Cannon as editor of the Juvenile Instructor, expanded the emphasis on Humane Day. In February 1912 in a two-page editorial entitled “Kindness to Animals,” he wrote: “Kindness to the whole animal creation and especially to all domestic animals is not only a virtue that should be developed, but is the absolute duty of mankind. … It is an unrighteous thing to treat any creature cruelly. … It will be a blessed day when mankind shall accept and abide by the Christ-like sentiment expressed by one of the poets in the following words: ‘Take not away the life you cannot give, For all things have an equal right to live.”

Animals are scared, and they feel pain just like humans do. They are helpless victims and it can cause them to become timid, depressed and sometime aggressive. They have no voice. They are innocent creatures of our Heavenly Father and should be taken care of as a precious gift from him.

The reality of animal abuse and cruelty is there are not harsh enough laws. The people who abuse and hurt animals are not in jail long enough. They usually are free after three years. I believe we need to make the sentence for animal cruelty much longer. If the person kills the animal, then they need to be put away for a long time. We need to make it easier for people to report animal abuse. There needs to be punishment for people who do not report suspected animal abuse. The penalty for animal abuse needs to be actually serving jail time with a longer sentence. The offender should not be allowed to ever own an animal again.

Love Letter to the St. Louis Cardinals

Dear St. Louis Cardinals,

I just need to tell you how much I love you! I love watching your team members play baseball with the St. Louis Arch and skyline behind them. I love to watch as they run out on to the field, in their crisp white uniforms and red hats, it just makes my heart flutter.

The cheer of the crowd reminds me I am home, even watching from my own living room. I miss the old Bush Stadium.  I miss the smell of popcorn and hotdogs and the cool breeze flowing off the Mississippi River.

St. Louis is a baseball town through and through. There is always game day excitement. There is no baseball day excitement here in Salt Lake City, Utah. There is no anticipation of wearing the famous St. Louis Cardinal shirt for the game.

 I miss seeing your catcher, Yadier Molina in person. He is the greatest catcher of all time.  I have to follow him on Facebook to keep up with his accomplishments.

You will always be my beloved baseball team, even though I live so far away. No other baseball team will take your spot in my heart. I promise to always show my Cardinal spirit for you when you are in the playoffs and advanced to the World Series. I will never show support for another team in the World Series when you don’t make it.

I promise that when I come home to St. Louis to visit, if there is a home game I will be there, showing my love and support for you, my favorite team.

 Just remember my dear St. Louis Cardinals; I will always love you no matter what. I look forward to many World Series to come! St. Louis will always be my hometown and St. Louis Cardinals; you will always me my team!

Forever your love and fan,

Spring

When You Love Someone

This is my final essay I had to write for my English class this semester.

When You Love Someone

            There is a song by Bryan Adams called “When You Love Someone” Its starts out with these words; When you love someone you'll do anything, You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain, You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun, When you love someone.  I loved someone once. Actually it was two some ones.  One summer, I fell in love with two little boys, brothers. They were 10 and 12 at the time. They were in the summer program camp I was supervising.

You'll deny the truth, believe a lie. There'll be times that you'll believe that you could really fly. But your lonely nights have just begun. When you love someone. They had been in the foster care system for about two years. Their parents’ rights had been severed and they were wards of the state. I had met them another time and knew a little about their history. They were both drug babies, born to a mother who had a mental disability herself. She had an older son and then my two little boys.  She taught them to steal at a very young age.  She never put clothes on the boys and they were found wondering the streets. This was not enough for them to be taken away from her. She didn’t love them enough.

She allowed a boyfriend to hurt them. He beat the 10 year old so badly, that he had sustained brain damage and began having seizures. The boys were not allowed to use the bathroom, or to eat. It took 78 phone calls to the Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) before they were removed from the home.  Unfortunately by this time, the damage had been done. They suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and so many other things. The oldest could not handle any kind of change with out having a major freak out. The youngest did not know how to think for himself. He always asked where his brother was, or his foster mom was.  He would get upset very easily. Again, no one loved them enough

When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside. And nothing else could ever change your mind. When you want someone, when you need someone, when you love someone. They were placed in a home with a mom, a dad, two brothers and a sister. Their rooms were in the finished basement.  They had no sheets, pillows or blankets. The floor was tile because it was easier to clean up when they had accidents or purposely urinated on the floor. They both wore pull-ups to bed. The youngest wore his PJ’s backwards so he wouldn’t get up in the middle of the night and pee everywhere. He also will never be able to live on his own.  It is still undecided if the oldest will need some kind of assistance when he grows up.

They had support staff that worked with them. After my summer program was over, I started to work with them together on Sundays.  I would pick them up from their foster home and we would go and do some kind of activity. Because there was no money for the three-hour shift, I usually paid for us to have doughnuts or tacos.  They would choose what we were having.  We then would go sit in my driveway, cover the windows of the car up and watch movies on Netflix until it was time for them to go home.  They were not allowed to come in my house because the state or the service provider I worked for did not approve it. I started falling in love with them during the summer.

When you love someone, you'll sacrifice. Giving everything you got and you won't think twice. You'd risk it all no matter what may come, when you love someone. One warm day in October, I had to take them to an appointment at DCFS. They were finally being put up for adoption. My heart began aching and hurting at the thought of someone else taking them. As we waited for their turn to have their picture taken for the Adoption Exchange, I decided to find out what I had to do to adopt them. It was not something I was jumping in to. My mom and I talked about it over time. She started getting to know them and fell head over heels in love. My dad did too. The boys called my parents Grammy and Pawpaw. In January, we decided to pursue the adoption. I made an appointment with the social worker. I had not told their foster mom what I was trying to do. I was worried she may want to adopt them.  I was perfectly willing to give up the chance to adopt the boys, if she wanted them.  We met with their team of caseworkers, as well as my bosses. I told the team, I wanted to adopt them because I loved them and wanted them to belong to someone. I felt very confident at the meeting until I walked out of the room.  We were waiting in the waiting room, when a couple walked up to the window. I didn’t pay to much attention until they said they were there for a meeting about some brothers that were up for adoption. That caught my attention. As I listen, the receptionist asked for the brothers’ names. They didn’t know it. They said they had been talking to “Erin”.  Erin was my boss and supervised the coordinator over the boys. I almost passed out. How could someone want to adopt a child and not know his name?  I texted my boss and supervisor, I said, “I need to know what my chances are to adopt the boys.  I don’t want to get my hopes up if there is no chance.” They both reassured me that it was a normal process. My supervisor told me that the team had loved me and I had won them over when I said I loved the boys and wanted them to belong to someone. I loved them enough.

The adoption process began to move forward. I continued to work with the boys after I had been promoted to a program coordinator. The foster mom found out I was planning to adopt them and could not have been happier.  She started involving me in their planning meetings, and IEP’s. Sundays became the day they spent with my family and me.  They would stay until after dinner.  We then tried several over nighters and then moved to a weeklong stay. I had purchased bunk beds for them, made the necessary improvements need to pass the home study. I bought a car that would accommodate two growing boys. They knew I wanted to be their mom and they were excited about it.  I loved them more than enough.

Suddenly things began to come apart. The home study that I thought had gone so well had raised questions.  The Social worker quit communicating with me. My former boss and supervisor also quit communicating.  I went to pick the boys up for our usual Sunday time together and When I got there, the foster mom wanted to know why I was there.  She had been told that I could not take them anymore. Nobody had said a word to me. The new staff person showed up. My younger boy wanted to go with him, but my oldest wanted to stay with me. The foster mom let me take him and later brought my youngest over to me. Days passed, I had no answers from anyone, nor would they tell the foster mother anything. Finally in June, after I found the boys had been placed back on the Adoption Exchange, I sent the social worker an email, telling her I was pulling out of the adoption. I was tired of the lack of communication and lack of explanations. I still loved them enough.

 But I didn’t see my boys again. My heart began to crumble. I began questioning why Heavenly Father would give me the okay and then yank it away from me. I was angry, hurt, sad, and I felt betrayed.  I sunk in to a deep depression. I began to hide from the world. I quit trusting people and I held the state just as responsible as the parents for the abuse those two sweet innocent little boys suffered. They had suffered and more hurt in their short little lifetimes, than I will ever have in my entire life. I still hear about them from my former co-workers.  I still have a huge hole in my heart and soul. I miss them terribly. I have caused them more damage and hurt. I have never had any closure. When I could no longer shake the darkness that had begun to consume me, I knew I needed help. I talked to my Bishop and he scheduled me an appointment at LDS Family Services. I met with a great counselor who helped me through a very tough and sad time in my life. I will forever be grateful to her. She helped save me. And I still love them.

The boys have now been separated and live with new families.  The youngest it flourishing and is up for adoption again. He is completely off all his medication.  The oldest boy is not faring so well. He has been deemed unadoptable. This makes me so angry and hurt. I don’t understand how one person can deem another person unlovable and undeserving of a family. He lives with a family that wanted to adopt him, but he doesn’t want them to.  But I still and always will love them both.

"When You Love Someone"

When you love someone you'll do anything

You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain

You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun

When you love someone

You'll deny the truth, believe a lie

There'll be times that you'll believe that you could really fly

But your lonely nights have just begun

When you love someone

When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside

And nothing else could ever change your mind

When you want someone, when you need someone

When you love someone...

When you love someone you'll sacrifice

Giving everything you go and you won't think twice

You'd risk it all no matter what may come

When you love someone.

Bryan Adams

School has begun!

I am half way through my first semester of school. I am going to BYU Idaho. I love it! There is lots of homework but I am managing. The hours of homework is supposed to be 9-12 hours. There is no way I get homework done in that amount of time. I am doing home work 7 days a week for hours. I also picked up another class that I am not receiving credit for, but I am proving to myself that I will be able to add another class next term.  I am going to school for Family and Marriage Studies, then I will get my Masters in Social Work so I can be a Clinical Counselor and Social Worker.

BYU Idaho is a LDS based school which uses then Gospel Principals as a foundation. It is different, and I always said I would NEVER EVER go to BYU! Never say never!  But I like having the Gospel in my life everyday.

I am still working at Desert Industries. Sometimes I am so ready to find another job, but then I remember I am still doing the Lord's work. I also keep being reminded why I am there. Its hard though. But I can do anything for a little while.

I am grateful for the blessings I receive as I work there. I am grateful for the people I have met working there. I have learned so much and have been helped through a lot of things.

I am thankful for all these opportunities to better my life.

My 21 "Need" Things

I need:

1. Journals--I love journals because I like having them and there are some really cool ones. They help make me feel complete.
2. Color Pens-- Ones that write vibrant colors and nice!  It helps writing in the journals.
3. Pillow Cases-- Next to my sweet little animals I love pillowcases that are crisp and clean and smell good. Ones with polka dots or bright solid colors are even better.
4. Big Reuseable Cup with Straws--  Big Reuseable cups that have straws are great for work and easy to identify as mine. 
5. Zombies-- They are the love of my life! I love anything zombie!!!  They are the best! One Sunday left until The Walking Dead is back.
6. My Fur Babies-- I can not live with out my fur babies! I wish I had a way to rescue all animals and keep them safe!
7. Perfume-- I love to smell good and perfume is the best besides clean clothes washed in downy and bleach.
8. Hobo bags-- So I can carry my school books with me to work since all I do is home work, I can sling them over my head and shoulder and go.
9. Minke-- I love minke!!  I loved softy things even as a baby. I think I love them even more now.
10. Barnes and Noble-- I love B&N!!!  I love books!!! Electronic and paper. Reading takes you away to different worlds.
11. Babies-- I absolutely love babies. There is not like kissing a chubby baby cheek and having him press his face into you for more. I can't wait to have my own.
12. My Heavenly Father--  I am nothing with out him.  He is leading me where I need to go, helping accomplish goals I never thought I could do and teaching me in so many ways.
13. Blank Cards-- I love to have sweet and inspirational cards that I can send to my friends just because.
14. My electronics--- All Apple mind you...once you go Mac, you never go back!
15. Socks!--I love to wear no show socks that don't match! Particularly no show black socks with colorful toes and heals!
16. Chocolate-- Sometimes there are days that only chocolate will fix!
17. Crafts-- I love to do my wood creations crafts! I can sit and do them all day long and be very relaxed.
18. Cricut Machine-- I love cutting vinyl and creating quotes and signs for friends and family.
19. Sasquatch Angry Beef Sticks-- I just love them....hands down!
20. Lava Hot Springs-- What a way to relax on a cold winter day in hot natural spring water! Its the best!
21. I forgot the best thing ever!  DRAGONFLIES! I love everything dragonfly. I need dragonflies!!!