Thursday, July 24, 2014

When You Love Someone

This is my final essay I had to write for my English class this semester.

When You Love Someone
            There is a song by Bryan Adams called “When You Love Someone” Its starts out with these words; When you love someone you'll do anything, You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain, You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun, When you love someone.  I loved someone once. Actually it was two some ones.  One summer, I fell in love with two little boys, brothers. They were 10 and 12 at the time. They were in the summer program camp I was supervising.
You'll deny the truth, believe a lie. There'll be times that you'll believe that you could really fly. But your lonely nights have just begun. When you love someone. They had been in the foster care system for about two years. Their parents’ rights had been severed and they were wards of the state. I had met them another time and knew a little about their history. They were both drug babies, born to a mother who had a mental disability herself. She had an older son and then my two little boys.  She taught them to steal at a very young age.  She never put clothes on the boys and they were found wondering the streets. This was not enough for them to be taken away from her. She didn’t love them enough.
She allowed a boyfriend to hurt them. He beat the 10 year old so badly, that he had sustained brain damage and began having seizures. The boys were not allowed to use the bathroom, or to eat. It took 78 phone calls to the Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) before they were removed from the home.  Unfortunately by this time, the damage had been done. They suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and so many other things. The oldest could not handle any kind of change with out having a major freak out. The youngest did not know how to think for himself. He always asked where his brother was, or his foster mom was.  He would get upset very easily. Again, no one loved them enough
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside. And nothing else could ever change your mind. When you want someone, when you need someone, when you love someone. They were placed in a home with a mom, a dad, two brothers and a sister. Their rooms were in the finished basement.  They had no sheets, pillows or blankets. The floor was tile because it was easier to clean up when they had accidents or purposely urinated on the floor. They both wore pull-ups to bed. The youngest wore his PJ’s backwards so he wouldn’t get up in the middle of the night and pee everywhere. He also will never be able to live on his own.  It is still undecided if the oldest will need some kind of assistance when he grows up.
They had support staff that worked with them. After my summer program was over, I started to work with them together on Sundays.  I would pick them up from their foster home and we would go and do some kind of activity. Because there was no money for the three-hour shift, I usually paid for us to have doughnuts or tacos.  They would choose what we were having.  We then would go sit in my driveway, cover the windows of the car up and watch movies on Netflix until it was time for them to go home.  They were not allowed to come in my house because the state or the service provider I worked for did not approve it. I started falling in love with them during the summer.
When you love someone, you'll sacrifice. Giving everything you got and you won't think twice. You'd risk it all no matter what may come, when you love someone. One warm day in October, I had to take them to an appointment at DCFS. They were finally being put up for adoption. My heart began aching and hurting at the thought of someone else taking them. As we waited for their turn to have their picture taken for the Adoption Exchange, I decided to find out what I had to do to adopt them. It was not something I was jumping in to. My mom and I talked about it over time. She started getting to know them and fell head over heels in love. My dad did too. The boys called my parents Grammy and Pawpaw. In January, we decided to pursue the adoption. I made an appointment with the social worker. I had not told their foster mom what I was trying to do. I was worried she may want to adopt them.  I was perfectly willing to give up the chance to adopt the boys, if she wanted them.  We met with their team of caseworkers, as well as my bosses. I told the team, I wanted to adopt them because I loved them and wanted them to belong to someone. I felt very confident at the meeting until I walked out of the room.  We were waiting in the waiting room, when a couple walked up to the window. I didn’t pay to much attention until they said they were there for a meeting about some brothers that were up for adoption. That caught my attention. As I listen, the receptionist asked for the brothers’ names. They didn’t know it. They said they had been talking to “Erin”.  Erin was my boss and supervised the coordinator over the boys. I almost passed out. How could someone want to adopt a child and not know his name?  I texted my boss and supervisor, I said, “I need to know what my chances are to adopt the boys.  I don’t want to get my hopes up if there is no chance.” They both reassured me that it was a normal process. My supervisor told me that the team had loved me and I had won them over when I said I loved the boys and wanted them to belong to someone. I loved them enough.
The adoption process began to move forward. I continued to work with the boys after I had been promoted to a program coordinator. The foster mom found out I was planning to adopt them and could not have been happier.  She started involving me in their planning meetings, and IEP’s. Sundays became the day they spent with my family and me.  They would stay until after dinner.  We then tried several over nighters and then moved to a weeklong stay. I had purchased bunk beds for them, made the necessary improvements need to pass the home study. I bought a car that would accommodate two growing boys. They knew I wanted to be their mom and they were excited about it.  I loved them more than enough.
Suddenly things began to come apart. The home study that I thought had gone so well had raised questions.  The Social worker quit communicating with me. My former boss and supervisor also quit communicating.  I went to pick the boys up for our usual Sunday time together and When I got there, the foster mom wanted to know why I was there.  She had been told that I could not take them anymore. Nobody had said a word to me. The new staff person showed up. My younger boy wanted to go with him, but my oldest wanted to stay with me. The foster mom let me take him and later brought my youngest over to me. Days passed, I had no answers from anyone, nor would they tell the foster mother anything. Finally in June, after I found the boys had been placed back on the Adoption Exchange, I sent the social worker an email, telling her I was pulling out of the adoption. I was tired of the lack of communication and lack of explanations. I still loved them enough.
 But I didn’t see my boys again. My heart began to crumble. I began questioning why Heavenly Father would give me the okay and then yank it away from me. I was angry, hurt, sad, and I felt betrayed.  I sunk in to a deep depression. I began to hide from the world. I quit trusting people and I held the state just as responsible as the parents for the abuse those two sweet innocent little boys suffered. They had suffered and more hurt in their short little lifetimes, than I will ever have in my entire life. I still hear about them from my former co-workers.  I still have a huge hole in my heart and soul. I miss them terribly. I have caused them more damage and hurt. I have never had any closure. When I could no longer shake the darkness that had begun to consume me, I knew I needed help. I talked to my Bishop and he scheduled me an appointment at LDS Family Services. I met with a great counselor who helped me through a very tough and sad time in my life. I will forever be grateful to her. She helped save me. And I still love them.
The boys have now been separated and live with new families.  The youngest it flourishing and is up for adoption again. He is completely off all his medication.  The oldest boy is not faring so well. He has been deemed unadoptable. This makes me so angry and hurt. I don’t understand how one person can deem another person unlovable and undeserving of a family. He lives with a family that wanted to adopt him, but he doesn’t want them to.  But I still and always will love them both.

"When You Love Someone"
When you love someone you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun
When you love someone
You'll deny the truth, believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe that you could really fly
But your lonely nights have just begun
When you love someone
When you love someone you'll feel it deep inside
And nothing else could ever change your mind
When you want someone, when you need someone
When you love someone...
When you love someone you'll sacrifice
Giving everything you go and you won't think twice

You'd risk it all no matter what may come
When you love someone.

Bryan Adams

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