Friday, October 1, 2010

What Used To Be...

We were introduced by our mothers who visited each other in Church over 33 years ago. So we were friends from early on. We played together in Nursery, went to Primary together. We attended the same private Christian school together. We could never sit next or one in front of the other in Sacrament. We would talk and giggle too much as well as also passing notes. We went and got our driving permits together. We rode to early and I do mean early morning Seminary before we had a diver's licenses and then on to school after we could drive. Growing up, we played soccer, went to Brownies and Girl Scouts together. One summer we even did a life guard camp together. We roomed together on Temple trips and at Youth Conference. We had lunch everyday at school. We made kleenex roses for a homecoming float.

After we graduated high school we went to different colleges. I stayed home and she went away to school in Utah. After our first year, she came home and we took a break from college. We both were nannies. We would go to YSA and play volleyball every week and that is where she met her husband.

We grew apart in distance. She stayed in St. Louis then moved to Virgina and California and I moved to North Dakota then Utah. She flew me out for my birthday to visit in California (by this time she had 3 babies) and it was like it used to be. Then when life returned to normal, time between phone calls became longer and longer until they didn't happen any more.

I couldn't wait to tell her I was engaged,(another story) but I has to call her family because I didn't know where she was living. After I got her phone number and called, She wouldn't take my phone calls, so I left messages. I finally let it go. When facebook came in existance and I found her, I was so excited. I added her and messaged her, she blocked me. Her sister added me. But her mom will not. I have messaged her and she too won't answer.

My heart is broken,

I don't know what I have done. This friend has chosen to throw away 33 years of friendship. There was an issue that happened, she called and confessed to me and I wasn't even mad, a little hurt but not mad. I got over it. She was my best friend and I loved her.

I still love her from the early days of our childhood to this day.

And I wish to heaven I knew what changed between us. Its only fair that I know. How can I fix it, if I don't know what is broken?

I have since sent her mom a message and am still waiting for a reply. I may never know her reasons for ending a life time of craziness and fun together.

But I wish her the very best in everything she does. And just know my door is always open.


  1. It's easy and dangerous to get too caught up in the past. Whatever happened, happened. It's not easy to let go. I know that. But sometimes it's just how it is and we have to just accept it for what it is. You have decades of happy memories to hold onto. Hold onto that.

  2. you are such a sweet soul. :) i hope for you that she responds and that you have some resolution.